Why Does My Doctor Keep Dismissing My Symptoms? (And What You Can Actually Do About It)

Heather Gaither
7 days ago
6 min read

You've been to three appointments. You've described the brain fog, the rage that comes out of nowhere, the night sweats that drench your sheets. You've explained that you don't feel like yourself anymore. And your doctor said, "It's a normal part of aging". If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something important: You're not being dramatic. You're not imagining it. And you're definitely not alone.

Why Doctors Dismiss Menopause Symptoms

The frustration you feel isn't because your doctor doesn't care. It's because the entire medical system has failed to equip them with the knowledge and tools they need to support you through perimenopause and menopause.

The Research Gap

For decades, medical research excluded women from clinical trials. This often happened because hormonal fluctuations were cited as "complicating factors." This unfortunate reality means much of what doctors learned in medical school was based primarily on male bodies. As a result, women's symptoms—especially those related to hormonal changes—were often dismissed as "emotional" or "psychological."

The Training Gap

Menopause isn’t a flashy subject. It doesn't receive the same research funding or emphasis in medical school curriculums as other health conditions. Unfortunately, many doctors graduated without ever learning how to properly diagnose or treat perimenopause symptoms beyond prescribing antidepressants or telling women to "wait it out." This lack of education perpetuates a cycle of misunderstanding and dismissal.

The Time Constraint Reality

The average primary care appointment lasts only 15 to 18 minutes. This limited time is barely enough to review your medical history, let alone discuss the complex and interconnected symptoms of perimenopause that span physical, cognitive, and emotional health. While your doctor may want to help, they simply may not have the training or time to effectively address your concerns.

How to Get Your Doctor to Take Your Symptoms Seriously

The good news? You can advocate for yourself, and you have more power than you think. Here’s how to make your next appointment actually work for you.

Step 1: Track Your Symptoms with Data

Doctors respond to data. Saying "I'm exhausted" is less compelling than showing up with a completed symptom tracker that documents:

Sleep quality over 30 days
Hot flash frequency and intensity
Mood patterns
Cognitive symptoms (e.g., brain fog, memory issues)
Physical symptoms (e.g., joint pain, heart palpitations)

In the Midlife Circle app, we’ve built a comprehensive symptom-tracking system designed explicitly for this. You can track patterns, generate reports, and bring concrete evidence to your appointment.

Step 2: Come Prepared with Your Questions

Don't wing it. Write down your top 2-3 concerns before the appointment and prepare a list of specific questions to ask. For instance:

"Based on my symptoms, could I be in perimenopause? What tests can we run?"
"What are my treatment options—both hormonal and non-hormonal?"
"Can we check my hormone levels, thyroid function, and vitamin D?"
"If hormone therapy is an option, what are the risks and benefits for my specific health profile?"

Pro tip: Use the "Doctor Discussion Guide" we created inside the Midlife Circle app. It includes the exact questions to ask and how to phrase them so you're taken seriously.

Step 3: Bring a Support Person (If Possible)

Research shows that women are more likely to be taken seriously when accompanied by another person. If you can, bring your partner, a friend, or an adult child to validate your experience and take notes during the appointment.

Step 4: Use Specific Language

Instead of saying, "I'm tired all the time," try phrasing it like this: "I'm experiencing chronic fatigue that isn’t improved by sleep, along with cognitive symptoms including difficulty concentrating and memory lapses. I'd like to explore whether this could be hormone-related." When you speak like you're presenting a case, it can produce better results.

Step 5: Don't Be Afraid to Advocate Hard

If your doctor dismisses your concerns, make sure to ask them to document it. For example, you can say, "Can you please note in my chart that I requested hormone testing and you declined?" Additionally, you can:

Request a referral: "I'd like a referral to a menopause specialist or endocrinologist."
Get a second opinion: You are allowed to seek another provider if you feel your needs aren't being met.

What to Do When Your Doctor Won't Help with Menopause Symptoms

Here’s the reality: Even with the best preparation, some doctors still won’t have the expertise or willingness to support you through this transition. That doesn’t mean you’re out of options.

Consider Menopause-Focused Telehealth Providers

If your current provider isn’t equipped to help, you can access specialized care through telehealth platforms that focus specifically on menopause and hormone health. Options include:

Winona - Midlife Circle has partnered with Winona, a telehealth platform specializing in menopause care. Their providers are trained in hormone therapy and perimenopausal symptom management. You can receive a consultation, personalized treatment plan, and medications delivered to your door.
Midi Health - Another excellent option for comprehensive menopause care with board-certified practitioners who specialize in this life stage.

These platforms exist because the traditional healthcare system has left many women without adequate support. You're not giving up on your doctor; you're simply supplementing your care with expertise they may not have.

High angle view of a serene consultation room

Common Questions About Getting Help for Menopause Symptoms

To help you feel more empowered, here are some frequently asked questions regarding menopause treatment and medical advocacy.

How do I know if my doctor is knowledgeable about menopause?

You can ask directly: "How much training have you had in menopause medicine?" or "How many patients going through perimenopause do you currently treat?" Their comfort level answering these questions will tell you a lot about their expertise.

What tests should I ask for?

Request the following tests:

FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone)
Estrogen levels
Progesterone
Thyroid panel (TSH, T3, T4)
Vitamin D

Keep in mind that hormone levels fluctuate during perimenopause, so a single test might not provide conclusive results.

Is it normal for doctors to suggest antidepressants first?

Many doctors default to antidepressants for mood symptoms because that's what they were trained to do. While SSRIs can help some, they don't necessarily address the underlying hormonal causes. You could ask, "Before we try antidepressants, can we explore whether hormone therapy might be appropriate?" Or, "I wasn't depressed before I started perimenopause, while I am having mood swings, my other symptoms include hot flashes, night sweats, and joint pain. Can we explore hormone therapy for these symptoms?"

When should I consider telehealth instead of my regular doctor?

If, after 1-2 appointments with data and specific questions, your doctor still dismisses your symptoms, fails to offer testing, or states, "this is just aging," it's time to seek specialized care. You have options: menopause-focused telehealth, a local menopause care provider, or find a provider at www.menoapuse.org

Is hormone replacement therapy (HRT) safe?

For most women under 60 or within 10 years of menopause, HRT is considered safe and effective for the majority of women. While the 2002 WHI study raised concerns, it has been largely debunked. However, an individualized risk assessment based on your health history is crucial.

What if I can’t afford telehealth or specialized care?

Start with the free resources in the Midlife Circle app—symptom trackers, discussion guides, and educational content. Make lifestyle changes, including optimizing nutrition, focusing on sleep, adding strength training and exercise, utilizing mindfulness and stress-reduction tools, and adding strategic supplements. Additionally, you can ask your current doctor for a referral to a menopause specialist covered by your insurance.

Your Action Checklist: Key Takeaways

Track your symptoms for 30 days using a structured tracker (available in the Midlife Circle app).
Bring data and specific questions to your appointment—don’t rely on memory.
Use medical language: "hormone-related cognitive symptoms" not "I'm foggy."
Request specific tests: FSH, estrogen, progesterone, thyroid panel, and vitamin D.
Ask for documentation if your doctor refuses testing or dismisses your concerns.
Consider menopause-specialized telehealth providers like Winona and Midi if your doctor can’t help.
You have the right to a second opinion and to change providers.
Join a supportive community of women facing similar challenges through the Midlife Circle app.

You Deserve to Be Heard. You Deserve to Feel Better.

This is exactly why we created Midlife Circle. We were tired of witnessing intelligent, capable women being dismissed or told their very real symptoms were "just stress" or "all in their heads." We knew there had to be a better way.

Inside the Midlife Circle app, you'll find:

A complete "Advocating for Your Health" content module with videos, checklists, and guides.
Symptom tracking tools specifically designed for perimenopause and menopause.
Doctor discussion guides and scripts to help you communicate effectively.
A glossary of terms so you can speak the medical language.
Direct access to Winona for telehealth support when your doctor can’t help.
A community of women who understand exactly what you're experiencing.

This is our passion. This is our purpose. We built Midlife Circle because we believe you deserve care that works—and if the system won’t provide it, we will help you find another way.

The bottom line is simple: Your doctor's dismissal isn’t about you—it’s about a system that never prioritized your health in the first place. But you have options, tools, and a supportive community standing behind you. You are not too much. You are not imagining it. You deserve answers, support, and relief.